I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
In the future we'll all be gay
Please, let me fuck your mom
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
