she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
