guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think a kid would responsible me up
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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