I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We need to get me chipped asap
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
