how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
