I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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