stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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