So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
