bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
