We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
