He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
