I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
