It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
