You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
