I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
