From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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