my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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