So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
