Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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