just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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