Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
