Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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