There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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