In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
