its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
