Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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