The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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