All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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