I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
