Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
