Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.