Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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