ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....