so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I agree and I would be an awesome dog