I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up