hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.