when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
