He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.