im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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