How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
