I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
