This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
