I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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