you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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