apparently the secret to your success is patron
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
