So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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