So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You ruined the universe
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize