i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
