He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
