are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Mom said you looked used
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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