dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
