I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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