so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
