The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
