so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
