New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
