We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
