it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
