I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
