Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
