I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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