im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
