margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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