Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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