laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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