some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think I sprained my soul last night
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
