Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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