I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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