So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
there is puke in my bra ... again
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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