The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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