Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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