she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
