let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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