On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
