i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
