dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
