If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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